How Practicing Empathy Toward Both the Mediator and Your Adversary Can Transform Your Mediation Results
While respect is critical, what if understanding both the mediator’s and your adversary’s perspectives could unlock even greater results?
In the world of mediation, respect lays the foundation for positive rapport with the mediator, but empathy takes that connection to the next level. While respect acknowledges the role and expertise of the mediator, empathy involves understanding their perspective, challenges, and emotional context.
But empathy shouldn’t stop there. Empathy toward your adversary—the opposing attorney or party—can be just as impactful. Recognizing that your adversary is also seeking resolution, bound by their own perspective on the case’s strengths and weaknesses, can change the entire dynamic of the negotiation.
When attorneys demonstrate empathy toward both the mediator and their adversary, they increase trust, openness, and cooperation—ultimately enhancing the likelihood of achieving a favorable resolution.
Why Empathy Toward the Mediator Matters
Mediators juggle competing priorities: facilitating dialogue, managing emotional tension, and ensuring that both sides feel heard. Attorneys who recognize these complexities and validate the mediator’s role create a more cooperative atmosphere where mediators feel more invested in guiding the case toward resolution.
When lawyers practice empathy in mediation, they:
- Build stronger rapport by showing genuine concern for the mediator’s challenges.
- Encourage mediators to go the extra mile to facilitate fair outcomes.
- Create an environment where the mediator feels safe to suggest innovative solutions.
- Reduce tension, fostering a collaborative mindset between all parties.
Why Empathy Toward Your Adversary Also Matters
Empathy toward your adversary may feel counterintuitive, but it can be a game-changer in mediation. Understanding that your adversary is also under pressure to resolve the case—and that they have their own set of constraints—can significantly change the energy of the conversation.
When you show empathy toward your adversary, you:
- Acknowledge Their Perspective: Recognize that they are advocating for their client’s position, just as you are.
- Appreciate Their Constraints: Many attorneys have clients, insurance carriers, or senior partners they report to, which influences their negotiation flexibility.
- Reframe Their Arguments: Avoid taking adversarial positions personally by viewing their arguments as part of their professional duty, not a personal attack.
By acknowledging that your adversary is bound by their own view of the case’s strengths and weaknesses and have responsibilities to clients, partners or bosses , you foster a more open, problem-solving environment.
How to Show Empathy in Mediation: A Practical Guide
Empathy isn’t just about “being nice.” It’s about recognizing the perspectives and emotions of both the mediator and the adversary and adjusting your approach accordingly. Here’s how to incorporate empathy into your mediation practice:
Empathy Toward The Mediator:
1. Acknowledge the Mediator’s Perspective
2. Validate Their Efforts
3. Practice Active Listening with the Mediator
Empathy Toward Your Adversary:
1. Acknowledge Their Goals and Constraints
2. Appreciate Their Perspective on Case Strengths and Weaknesses
3. Avoid Taking Their Arguments Personally
4. Explore Their Constraints and Influence
Why Empathy Toward Both the Mediator and Your Adversary Leads to Better Outcomes
Empathy builds a sense of psychological safety that encourages both mediators and adversaries to explore solutions collaboratively. Research shows that empathy fosters trust and reduces defensiveness, allowing parties to approach challenges with an open mind.
Self-Assessment: How Well Did You Practice Empathy?
After your next mediation, evaluate whether you incorporated these empathy-driven behaviors:
- Acknowledged the mediator’s perspective and challenges
- Validated their effort and neutrality
- Engaged in active listening and paraphrased key points
- Identified emotional cues and responded appropriately
- Demonstrated flexibility and adapted your approach
And toward your adversary:
- Acknowledged their constraints and goals
- Appreciated their perspective on the case
- Refrained from taking adversarial arguments personally
- Recognized the external pressures influencing their flexibility
Stay Tuned for the Next Blog
Stay tuned for the next post in this series, where we’ll explore Active Listening and its profound impact on creating high-quality connections with mediators and adversaries alike.
Want to refine your mediation skills? Contact me at BillG@SSAMadr.com to explore workshops or training sessions for your firm that can help you create more successful mediation outcomes.
Suggested Reading
1. Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books, 1995.
2. Batson, C. Daniel. Altruism in Humans. Oxford University Press, 2011.
3. Davis, Mark. Empathy: A Social Psychological Approach. Westview Press, 1994.
4. Klimecki, O. M., Leiberg, S., Ricard, M., & Singer, T. (2014). Differential pattern of functional brain plasticity after compassion and empathy training. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience, 9(6), 873-879.