How Active Listening Can Deepen Trust and Open Pathways to Resolution in Mediation

What Is Active Listening?

Active listening involves more than hearing words. It includes:

• Paying full attention to the speaker without distraction
• Paraphrasing what they said to confirm understanding
• Asking clarifying questions when needed
• Acknowledging their feelings or viewpoints, even if you disagree
• Demonstrating openness through tone, body language, and silence

  It earns trust—even when differences remain.

Why Active Listening Toward the Mediator Matters

Mediators are not just messengers—they are strategic navigators of the emotional, legal, and relational terrain. When you actively listen to them:

• You validate their role, encouraging deeper engagement on their part
• You receive strategic insight into how your message is being received
• You may catch subtle cues or suggestions that could shift the negotiation landscape

Example:

Instead of brushing off a mediator’s feedback, listen attentively and respond with:
“That’s helpful. It sounds like you’re sensing some openness from the other room. Let’s explore that more.”

Why Active Listening Toward Your Adversary Matters

Yes—even in adversarial situations, active listening is a strategic asset. Listening deeply to your adversary does not mean conceding; it means:

• Understanding their priorities and constraints
• Identifying gaps in interpretation or miscommunication
• Defusing emotional resistance by showing that you’re not here to attack, but to solve

Example:

“So, if I’m hearing you right, your biggest concern is causation and the seven-day delay in treatment.”

Attorneys who model this style often find that adversaries become more flexible and candid, even if the positions don’t immediately change.

How to Practice Active Listening in Mediation

Here are actionable behaviors for applying active listening with both the mediator and your adversary:

Toward the Mediator:

– Make eye contact and pause to fully hear their input
– Ask questions to clarify their observations
– Reflect back what they’ve said:
“What I’m hearing is that you think the other side will make a significant move if I make the next move?”
– Use encouraging cues: nods, “I see,” or “That’s a helpful insight”

Toward Your Adversary:

– Summarize their key points before countering:
“So you see the injury as non-permanent and the past meds as excessive—do I have that right?”
– Let them finish speaking—even during tension
– Use neutral language to reflect understanding:
“It sounds like your position arise from treatment delay, not just skepticism of the plaintiff.”
– Acknowledge the logic in their view—even if you disagree:
“I can see how you think that that is a winning argument to the jury, however I believe…”

The Results: Why It Works

Active listening transforms transactional conversations into relational ones. Research by psychologist Carl Rogers shows that people who feel deeply heard are more likely to:

• Reduce defensiveness
• Shift from rigid positions to interests
• Collaborate on mutually beneficial solutions

In mediation, this means fewer impasses, more creativity, and more settlements.

Self-Assessment: Are You an Active Listener in Mediation?

After your next mediation, reflect on whether you:

• Paused to listen without formulating your next response
• Paraphrased or summarized what the mediator or adversary said
• Asked a clarifying question instead of assuming
• Reflected emotional or strategic concerns without judgment
• Let silence work in your favor instead of filling every pause
• Showed understanding before launching into advocacy

Each time you demonstrate these behaviors, you increase your effectiveness as a negotiator and deepen the trust needed for resolution.

Next Up: Aligning Interests

Stay tuned for the next post in our R.E.L.A.T.E. series, where we’ll explore how Aligning Interests helps bridge gaps between positions and move toward win-win resolutions.

Want to deepen your skills in real time? Contact me at BillG@SSAMadr.com for customized workshops, CLE training, or one-on-one strategy sessions.

Suggested Reading

1. Rogers, C., & Farson, R. E. (1979). Active listening. Organizational psychology, 57, 168-180.
2. Stone, Douglas; Patton, Bruce; Heen, Sheila. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Penguin, 2023.
3. Fisher, Roger; Ury, William; Patton, Bruce. Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Penguin, 2011.
4. Brown, Brené. Braving the Wilderness: Reese’s Book Club: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House, 2017.