Many attorneys at mediation focus on the strength of their liability, causation, damages arguments, the leverage they hold over the opposing party, etc. But what if there was another, often overlooked tool in your toolbox that could significantly increase the likelihood of success during mediations?
This tool is creating High-Quality Connections (HQC) with mediators and your adversaries. For this blog, I focus on mediator HQCs. Based on research from organizational psychology and communication experts, including the work of Dr. Carol Dutton, HQCs are brief but meaningful interactions that foster mutual trust, positive energy, and respect. Dr. Carol Dutton’s research highlights that HQCs improve cooperation, build resilience, and increase engagement in professional settings. Studies show that individuals who foster HQCs experience higher levels of trust, reduced conflict, and better negotiation outcomes.” For lawyers, learning to create an HQC with the neutral isn’t just a “nice-to-have” skill—it can be a decisive factor in the outcome of a mediation session.
Why High-Quality Connections Matter in Mediation
Mediators play a critical role in helping disputing parties find common ground. However, many attorneys fail to appreciate the importance of building a cooperative relationship with the mediator themselves. When a lawyer and a mediator connect in a meaningful way, the mediator is more likely to:
- Understand and empathize with the lawyer’s perspective
- Trust the lawyer’s intentions and representations
- Feel motivated to work harder in finding a mutually beneficial resolution
- Be receptive to the lawyer’s arguments, obstacles, and goals
Conversely, a poor connection or antagonistic dynamic can lead to miscommunications, antagonism, or failure to reach a settlement.
To help you master this essential skill, we’re launching a six-part blog series, each focusing on one key element of what we call the R.E.L.A.T.E. framework. This acronym captures the six steps to fostering strong, productive connections with mediators:
- R – Respect
- E – Empathy
- L – Listen Actively
- A – Align Interests
- T – Trust-Building
- E – Positive Energy
In today’s post, we’ll start with the first and arguably most foundational element: Respect.
Respect is the foundation of any meaningful connection, especially in mediation, where neutrality and cooperation are key. Demonstrating respect to a mediator doesn’t just set the right tone—it influences how they perceive you and how engaged they are in facilitating the case resolution.
How to Show Respect in Mediation
1. Acknowledge the Mediator’s Role: Open the session by recognizing their expertise and neutrality. A simple “I appreciate your role in helping us work through this” establishes goodwill.
2. Be Professional and Courteous: Address the mediator with the same level of professionalism as a judge or senior colleague. Avoid interrupting, dismissing their suggestions, or using an overly aggressive tone.
3. Value Their Time: Mediators handle complex cases with multiple moving parts. Arriving prepared, sticking to key points, and avoiding unnecessary repetition show that you respect their time and efforts.
4. Avoid Power Struggles: Some lawyers enter mediation with an adversarial mindset toward the mediator. Instead, treat them as a partner in the process, not an obstacle to overcome.
5. Express Appreciation: Ending the session with a simple “Thank you for guiding us today” leaves a lasting positive impression.
Why Respect Matters
Psychological research shows that when people feel respected, they are more likely to collaborate and less likely to resist proposals. A 2017 study by Zak found that trust-building behaviors increase oxytocin levels, leading to enhanced cooperation and problem-solving. Similarly, research on workplace conflict resolution confirms mutual respect increases information-sharing and creative solutions, making resolution more attainable in mediation settings. When mediators feel respected, they are likelier to be engaged, listen attentively, and work harder to find creative solutions.
While these concepts may be natural and seem intuitive, the effect they can have is science-based. See the Suggested Reading section at the end for a deeper dive into the science.
Self-Assessment for Actionability
Self-Assessment: How well do you foster respect? After your next mediation, self-assess which of the following behaviors you engaged in:
- Recognize to the neutral their impartiality and expertise
- Avoid interrupting
- Avoid dismissing their suggestions
- Avoid using an overly aggressive tone
- Come prepared
- Stick to key points
- Avoid unnecessary repetition
- Treat the neutral as a partner, not an obstacle
- Express appreciation for their efforts
While engaging in these positive behaviors and avoiding the negative ones won’t guarantee the case will be resolved, it will increase the chances of success by maximizing the role and effectiveness of the neutral.
Interested in developing these skills further? Reach out to discuss free workshops for your firm that can elevate your mediation practice. Please email me at BillG@SSAMadr.com
Stay Tuned for the Next Blog
Stay tuned for the next post in this series, where we’ll discuss Empathy and how it plays a critical role in successful mediations.
Suggested Reading
2. Cuartero, María Esther. Mediators’ and Disputing Parties’ Perceptions of Trust-Building in Mediation. Negotiation and Conflict Management Research, 2018.
3. Cuddy, Amy, Kohut, Matthew & Neffinger, John.Connect, Then Lead. Harvard Business Review, 2013. https://hbr.org/2013/07/connect-then-lead
4. Dutton, Jane. Fostering High-Quality Connections. Stanford Social Innovation Review, 2003. https://ssir.org/articles/entry/fostering_high_quality_connections
5. Zak, Paul J. The Neuroscience of Trust. Harvard Business Review, 2017. https://hbr.org/2017/01/the-neuroscience-of-trust
